goodbye to my mushroom love/ bbbdddaaayyy ggooooddbbyyee

............................................................................

i don't what to write.

well, it's my update for this month.

today is mushroom's birthday.

i have plans for today, but i guess it won't happen anymore.

i haven't even greeted him a happy birthday.

it's not that i don't feel like greeting him, it's just that, after all those memories, there's still no improvement between the two o us.

we are still not friends but a complete stranger.

and i realized that, even if i greet him, it would still be the same.

no response from him. or a simple thank you.

so it would be just a waste of time and effort.

so no more birthday greetings from me for him.

and i've decided to stop this foolishness completely.

i'm giving up on him.

want i want from now, is to be friend s with him, but if that wont happen either, it's okay.

i've got used to it. :)

well, good luck to me and to him and to all of us, :)

also today. im ending my mushroom love.

this may be my last post here in my blog "me and my mushroom love."

i had fun writing this blog , my memories and happenings with him.

but everything has their own endings at their own time. :)

i will start a new blog, there i will write my stories instead in wattpad directly. :)

hope i would have many readers in my next blog. :)

good bye to my mushroom love. :)

--savina :) <3

i was alone.

hay. today made me quite sad.

supposedly, me and mushroom together with jorge are assigned to attend a seminar.

but then, i was left alone. if sarah was not able to go too, it would be only me who would be there.

i texted both jorge and mushroom, where are they na? but no one replied.

well, jorge replied but it was too late, it is already at the middle of the seminar, so it's no use, if he still come. and well, mushroom didnt even send me one text. atleast just tell me that he wont make it. atleast i didnt expect that we would be coming.

well, today made me realize that, he just dont care if im alone or not. and that i should not bother to wait anymore for him. just a single text would do, but then, he still didnt send one.

well, i guess it would be time to stop waiting for him. that no matter what i do, i wont be a part of him, or he wont notice and be concerned with me. :((

by the way, in the first weeks of our class, i was happy. why? because, we're seatmates. we seat close to one another. no between us. i thought that would be the start of our friendship, but then, i never fail to disappoint myself. hay. :(

--sakuralove :(

a day with mushroom. :)

june 8, 2011

wednesday

i had so much fun with you today. we are in the same room playing and orienting the first years. :)

i dont know but im happy. i dont feel anything else. i just really wanted to be your friend. i hope you feel the same way.

today, we leaned on the same wall. together with jorge. watching the videos presented by the speakers. and yet jorge keeps on leaving both of us alone. i was happy. i really wanted to talk to you that time. have a friendly conversation. yet, i still cant. no words came out of my mouth. and realize we still cant be friends.

but still i had fun with you there. touring around the school with you and the others, it feels like we are both touring together. haha.

i hope next time, we can talk to each other casually. let's be open with each other and be friends. :) we are running out of time. we are almost in the half of 5 years being together.

i was planning can we have a whole semester of letters? writing to each other everyday.

--sakuralove :) ♥

a dream of you means see you tomorrow

hi!

it's been a while since i last updated.

well, last night, i unexpectedly dreamed of you, mushroom.

2 dreams with you in it. to be honest, i was not expecting it. i wasn't thinking of you before i fall asleep or even all through the day. haha.

the first dream was a dream na laging putol at lagi ko napapanaginipan. pero last night, nabuo at complete ung dream na un. nag tataka ako kun bakit ganun.

here's the story for the first dream. i cant remember everything since it's my first dream last night and i was disturbed by my sister.

it was like a party, a birthday party to be exact, i don't know if it is yours or someone in your family, but me and our classmates were all invited. then, some of our classmates was going to tell you something na makakasira sakin, something like that, so i decided to talk to you personally and explain things, so you wont believe them. in my dream, i was not able to explain all the things yet you already had a conclusion. after talking, we went out to see our classmates and the others hand in hand. so weird right? we walked somewhere else then we arrived in place that it so weird and so creepy. then, we were able to fly now. see, so typical of a dream. we can fly. wee! haha. i dont remember what happened next. maybe i woke that time. so it's still unfinished.

see, too much for a dream. haha

my 2nd dream was you and me together again with our classmates, i don't remember all the details. what i can remember is that we were in a classroom, doing a math problem. you are sitting next to someone. like this: me - someone - you. then, our prof gave us an assignment and let us copy it. but i wasnt able to copy the assignment because i was busy doing the seatwork. then, unexpectedly, you talked to me, asking if i already copied the assignment. i said no, then you said " cge ikokopyana lang kita." you got my notebook and write there the assignment and you even answered it.

then the next scene, was we are enrolling for the next school year. and validating our ids.

you were there again, but i dont remember what happened. i think we fought again? not so sure. then again, i can fly again. wow ha! pwede na akong maging peter pan. haha un. ndi o na maxado maalala eh.

by the way, tomorrow will be your enrollment day. i am hoping to see you. i think my dreams telling me that i am missing you, and that i will see you tomorrow.

hay. antagal na nating ndi nagkikita. I'M MISSING YOU MUSHROOM.

ndi ka manlang umaatend ng mga meeting natin sa org. madami na gawain noh. tsk. so you better set your goals and priorities and even you schedules! okay? hehe.

so i think MY DREAMS OF YOU last night MEANS SEE YOU TOMORROW. :)

--sakuralove :)

staying here with me :)

hiyiiie!

its been 2 months since last kong update. :)

from my last post na, say no goodbye, i was devastated now i'm super happy.

and yess! from the title itself, he's staying here with me.

MY MUSHROOM'S STAYING NA! :))

so happy!

sorry readers kung late tong update ko.

actually nalaman kong ndi na sya lilipat nung march 28 kasi nagkita kami sa school that time.

grabe. at guess what? confirmed na din sya sa org namin. sya na talaga ang representative namin sa class. :)

oh diba? magkasama na kami ulit. :)

matutuloy na din kaya ang lovestory namin? sana naman. :)

and may isa pa that day, march 28, nalaman kong may connection talaga kami. kasi nung 27 nung gabi, nabanggit ko kina mama na magkakalayo na kami, nung sinabi ko ung surname nya, sabi ni mama kung ang tatay ba daw nya ay isang official sa base. kilala nga daw nya un.

at kilala nya din si mushroom, kaya sabi ni mama baka daw magclassmate kami ni mushroom nung nursery to prep. prep not so sure. bsta those days.

we went to same school. oh diba? destiny diba? haha. :)

pero alam nyo, nagtataka ako bakit parang biglang nagbago isip nya na magstay.

though nakapasa na sya dun, mageenrol na lang sya at kukuha ng papers, pero sabi naayos na din un.

hindi kaya nabasa nya tong blog ko? (malabo, pero pwede?)

or kaya ayaw nya na malayo sakin kasi mamimis nya ako? whahaha (mas malabo. assuming nanaman ako. xD )

or kasi naisip nya may responsibilidad syang maiiwan sa klase at sa org namin. (sya ito na lang, katanggap tanggap na dahilan. )

pero kahit na ganun, masaya ako at thankful kasi hindi na sya aalis. hay.

sana hanggang fifth year magkakasama kami. :)

kasi naman mushroom, ang gulo gulo mo. you always make me feel hurt and happy.

sana sa pasukan mag improve na relationship natin. ung friendship natin. okay?

befriended me so my feelings go away, unless ayaw mo mawala feelings ko sayo.

toinks. haha :)

bye bye for now. :)

--sakuralove :) ♥♥

say no goodbye. :(

march 25,2011

natapos na nga klase, summer na!
pero imbis na mag saya, bakit ganun?
nalulungkot ako. masaya na sana dahil ayos kinalabasan ng exam ko, at nag enjoy ako, kasama mga kaibagan ko, pero un pala, mabobroken heart ako.

bakit aalis ka na? akala ko hanggang 5th year na un. akala ko, pag dating ng mga taon pang natitira, makakapag usap na tayo ng normal or okay na ung pakikitungo mo sakin? pero un pala mas worst pa. tuluyan ka ng mawawala. andaya mo naman eh.

andaya daya mo.
nakagawa ka na ng plano, ng ndi ka nagsasabi sa klase. tapos ngaun last day, saka pa malalaman. grabe. ang saya mo. sana nun pa lang nagsabi ka na. para atleast, napaghandaan ung pag alis mo. importante ka naman sa klase eh. antagal na din kaya ng pinagsamahan. nakakaasar eh.

hay. ewan, ndi ko na maintindihan nararamdaman ko. hay.
nalulungkot ako sobra, ewan, biglaan kasi, tapos baka ndi na kita makita. andaya naman kasi eh.
pero sabagay, anu nga ba ang magagawa namin, kung ikaw na mismo ang may gusto. future mo naman yan eh. kaya nasayo ang desisyon kung anu ba talaga.

pero magpapapigil ka ba? ndi ka ba malulungkot na iiwan mo na kami? wala ka naman paki alam sakin, kaya kahit sa kanila na lang. ndi ka ba nalulungkot? ndi ka na ba talaga magpapapigil? wala na bang ibang choice or option?
baby please dont go - mike posner

panu kung wala na talaga? ito na ung last na magkikita tayo? eh di last na, ndi man lang tau naging friends. hay, mushroom. kahit sa text man lang, ndi ka nagreply. aalis ka na lang ba ng walang pasabi? masaya un, haha, napakamushroom mo talaga.

mamimiss kita. magbabago ako para pag nagkita tau ulit, iba na ako. hehe. kaya ko un, kakayanin ko un. hay. maghihintay ako? ewan. kung kaya eh. kung ikaw talaga ay para sakin eh.

hahayaan ko na lang ang destiny na ang gumawa ng paraan.


ang aga naman natapos ng love story natin, ndi man lang umabot sa climax or happy ending. haha, ganun talaga ata eh. patikim lang. haha.

masaya ako nakilala kita, kahit u seem so familiar to me. cguro childhood friend na kita, ndi ko lang maalala, pero ang tanda ko, nakita na kita sa panaginip at alam kong nag eexist ka bago pa kita makita at nakilala nung first year tau. :)

so good luck sa new life at school
and GOOD BYE?
ndi pala dapat good bye,
dapat ...

SEE YOU SOON MUSHROOM :)


--sakuralove :)

secret gift.

hay. hay. hay.

i just want to share, para in case na mabasa mo to, alam mo na. haha

alam mo bang may gift ka na tanggap na galing sakin? un ung shirt na kunwaing bigay sau ni ken. sakin un talaga galing. kasi ako ang nakabunot sau nung christmas, kaya lang, pinalit ko na lang kay ken, kasi ndi nman nya kilala si sir noli eh. pero ako parin nman ang humili ng lahat ng gift eh.

sana nman ginagamit mo, un shirt na un, nung nakita ko, ikaw agad ang naalala ko. ndi man un ganun ka special pero at least ikaw ang nakita ko agad dun. hay.

sana nman mabasa mo to agad, baka mamaya napamigay mo na ung shirt na un, or ndi mo pinahalagahan na.

makita ko lang un, na suot mo kahit isang beses, okay lang. wala nakakaalam na sakin un galing, aside sa mga kasabwat ko. wag mo na alamin,kung sino un. haha.

basta un ay secret gift. salamat nga pala, ginagamit mo ung binigay kong sumbrero, buti na gustuhan mo un, or atleast may color na gusto mo.

may kwento din un. haha.

you wanna know?

ung cap na un, gustong gusto kong bilhin, na pang gift agad. nasa mannequin un nakasuot that time, kaya pinakuha ko pa talaga un. last one na kasi un eh. haha. oh diba. ang cute cute nga nung cap na un. kung pwede lang ndi ibigay eh, pero ndi namn ako nag cacap eh. kaya sau na lang. hmm. buti nga ginagamit mo un eh. sa iniingatan mo din un. para namn maganda.

matutuwa ako kung ganun.

un lang. gusto ko lang malaman mo. haha. para mapahalagahan mo ung mga binibigay ko.

--sakuralove :)

unnoticed :|

bakit ba ganyan? patapos na ang school year oh. magkakahiwahiwalay nanaman tayo, and yet wala parin progress.

bakit ka ba umiiwas sakin? nakakaasar kaya. you make me feel unwanted.

pwede mo naman kasi sabihin na ayaw mo sakin, para ndi ako nag iintay o nag eexpect diba? eh di wala ka na din iniintindi. kaysa naman ndi mo ako pinapansin at parang wala lang. grabe.

need to vent. :| minsan okay, minsan hindi, try mo kaya mag share ng thoughts mo. BE OPEN! para maintindihan ka.

it would be okay if you just say it straight na you really hate me and when im around, kaysa mag pretend na tayo na parang wala lang. palstik eh. hay naku.

basta bahala ka na. ndi ko na alam kung anu.

dont make things be too late. :( baka ndi na mabago at mabawi.

please dont make me fall other than you.

--sakuralove :(

cute lang nito -->

last P.E. bonding :)

hmm. patapos na ang school year. :) kaya may mga last meeting na ang mga subjects. hehe

exams na din next week, kaya nilubos na ang bawat oras.

March 17,2011 thursday

P.E time.

last na P.E. na din to kaya talagang inenjoy na ang pinakahuling P.E. sa college, :)

at xempre, ang P.E namin ay volleyball at as a final exam, nagkaron ng mini competition, hehe.

ngaung last meeting, championship na. luckyly, ang team ko ay waiting na para sa championship. :)

kaya habang naglalaro pa ng first game sa araw na un, naglaro muna kami ni lezel ng volleyball, at saktong tapos na din mag laro ang boys, kaya dun kami sa court nila nag laro. si jorge lang muna ang kalaro namin, tapos pinasali nya c mushroom, kasi para may taga set xa, kaya aun kaming apat na ang naglaro. habang nag iintay. masya naman, pero parang wala lang. tapos nung nag 2nd game na ang girls, sumali na samin c garie, at eric, tapos napag tripan na ang gagamitin lang ay ung sa malapit sa net at outside na pag lumagpas dun. xempre sa una, mahirap. at napag kasunduan pa na ang matatalo ay lulusot sa mananalo. eh dinadaya kami nia jorge kaya nag dadayaan na sa score. hanggang sa nanalo sila sa unang set, at nag change court na din. after ng ilang scores, kami na pala ang maglalaro sa totoong game. at championship na pala. eh di naputol ung laro. kaya ayun, nag game muna kami. eh un pala tinuloy pa nina garie ung game, tapos natalo, kaya kailangan namin, lumusot kina jorge at mushroom. eh xempre, nasa totoong game pa ako, kaya ndi ako makatupad sa usapan.

pero buti nung may inintay pang isang player, dun, ko lang nagawa ung consequence. eh ung mga kaklase namin, maxado. nang asar nanaman. haha. adik eh. pero wala na naman sakin un, pati nman sa kanya wala lang din ata. haha. aun, after nun, tinuloy na ung game, buti kami na ang champion. haha.

after ng klase sa p.e. tinuloy na ulit ung laro, pero ginawang match na talaga, kasi kaming mga d2a na ang naglalaro lahat. ang ginawa pa girls versus boys, tapos, para daw masaya lusutan pa din. xempre unfair kasi magagaling ang boys at may seset sa kanila, eh samin, wala. tapos dahil walang scorer, kami kami na din, at as usual, nakakadayaan sa score. pero in the end, kaming mga girls pa din ang lumusot. pero bago lumusot, nagkalokohan pa na, pag lulusot daw kailangan naka "loser hand sign". mga green minded eh. pero lokohan lang nman, ndi nman din un natuloy. haha. ang saya nga eh.

after nun, naglaro pa ulit, dahil wala nanaman next class tsaka uwian na, nilubos na talaga. kaya nag laro pa ulit pero mix na daw at naging pustahan pa. 10 pesos ang bet. nung nagkampihan, nakakatuwa, kasi magkagroup kami ni mushroom, at magkatabi pa kami or magkasunod. aun, nagkakalokohan pa ulit, kasi nagkakahiyaan daw, pero ndi namn. parang wala lang. un nga lang natalo team namin. hehe. okay lang, enjoy naman eh, haha.

okay na naman, ung ganun eh, wala ng ilangan. pag uusap na lang ang kulang. hehe. :) pwede naman kasi maging friends. diba? tsk tsk. pero atleast wala na maxado ilangan. hehe. okay na un.

let's take things slowly. :)

hope to be friends with you soon. :) NORMAL FRIENDS.

--sakuralove :) ♥♥

signals sent! - mushroom

it's almost a week since my last update.

and guess what, ever since then nagkaroon pa kami ng madaming moments.

like last

wednesday, march 2, 2011, 12 - 1 pm.

wash day at nag iintay sa SG Office. nag gagawa na din kami ni lezel ng seatwork kasi ndi kami imemeet ni ms. mae kay nag iwan na lang xa ng seatwork na by pair. so para matapos agad, ginawa na namin sa SG pa lang. at xempre dahil nandun lahat, nandun din c mushroom. habang abala kami sa pag sasagot saktong magtatime na at dapat ng pumunta ng room, pero dahil aircon sa SG, ayaw ko umalis, kaya sinabi ko kay grey na dun na lang kami mag gawa para malamig. pero biniro nya ako, sabi nya " xa dun ka sa tabi ni mushroom, malamig dun haha". not knowing na nandun xa, nasabi ko tuloy na "ala, mas iinit lang dun. hahaha " kaya ang sabi tuloy ni grey sakin after ko sabihin un, "anung sinasabi mo jan, anjan pa c mushroom oh rinig ka:)) ". aun xempre nakakahiya ang nagyayari, pero anu pa nga ba ang magagawa. nagmadali na akong umalis para atleast makaligtas. pero ewan ko ba bakit parang wala lang sakanya.

may isa pa.

thursday, march 3, 2011, around 12-1pm ulit :)

ngaun nman nag iintay kami ng p.e namin. nasa roof deck kaming lahat. xempre, nagkukulitan at naghaharutan. ung iba nakaupo ako at c lezel ulit naglalaro. at may inaaus sa laptop.

tapos saktong ito c jorge, nakikiharot samin. at ako nanaman ang pinagtitripan. nung nakaupo xa, tinabihan ko xa, at kinukulit ko, ndi ko namalayan na katabi ko pala c mushroom kasi nakatalikod at nakayuko xa ndi ko napansin. ang mga makukulit kong kaklase, napag tripan nanaman kami. umuusod para mapadikit ako kay mushroom. at ndi nakontento tunutulak na talaga ako sa kanya. pero nakakadepress kasi parang wala na anaman xang pake. DEDMA LANG! :( anu nman kaya ibig sabihin nun?

at lastly, ung kahapon, march 4,2011, friday

nag iintay kami sa S.g ulit na magtime na para sa engprob.

kami lang mga girls at cna grey. itong c marife, tinawag c nika tapos tinawag ako nung dalawa, sabi, tawag ako ng bf ko, at cnu nman un? sabi pa nag cr lng daw. antayin ko lumabas. pero nung time na un, naiihi ako kaya dapat pupunta ako ng cr, pero may biglang lumabas sa cr at papunta ng SG, nagulat ako at c mushroom un at makakasalubong kami, nataranta ako, ndi ko alam kung bakit, kaya na patakbo ako papasok ng SG at ayun napa upo. nung nakapasok na ako, napasabi ako ng "tara alis na tayo". ewan ko ba bkit naging ganun mga reaction ko ngaun. nasobrahan sa K-ON! haha. anyways, aun napagtripan nanaman kami nun. ung mga bag namin pinagbuhol dhil naiwan ko ung bag ko dun sa sg dhil nagdistribute ako ng org shirt sa ibang classmate. at pagbalik aun ganun na. hay grabe.

ewan ko ba, bakit kaya pag inaasar xa sakin, minsan dedma minsan, sobra namn sa tawa with matching pamumula ng tenga? anu ba ibig sabihin nun? may gusto na din xa sakin? o napapahiya lng xa at inaasar kasi xa? at bkit naman minsan, parang wala lng sau. deadma lng?

ANG GULO GULO MO MUSHROOM!!!

kung tinuturing mo ako na normal, eh di ndi ako nag iisip ng may malisya. at for sure mawawala nararamdaman ko. tsk tsk.

mga signs mo eh, magulo din. hmpf! ndi madali to ha.

pero kasi 당신을 사랑하고 도와 드릴 수가 없습니다 eh.

:)

--sakuralove ♥♥

unexpected funny day :) - feb 25,2011

funny yet kakilig :)

ang holiday na may make up class.

i didn't see these things coming.

wala na ung awkward feeling between us.

tingin ko, konti na lang ang gap saming dalawa. :)

and of course im happy about that. sino bang hindi di ba?

required na magdala ng snacks sa make up class, kasi straight class un.

pagkadating mnga school, bumili na kami ng food sa 7/11 ni kevin.

tapos pumunta na sa lood ng school.

pagdating sa loob, nakita na sina nika, at lezel, nagpasama bumili ng pagkain..

iniwan ko ang binili ko, then bumalik kami ng 7/11. nung pabalik na ulit ng school,

nakasabay na nmin si mushroom, wala pa xang food.

pagdating sa loob, liumapit sya sa iniwan kong pagkain. at kinuha ung mogu-mogu.

lalagay na sana sa bag nya, nang nagsalita si david. "kanino ba yan?"

xempre sumagot ako na akin un. then nahiya xa. binalik agad. haha. funny yet awkward.

sabi ko okay lang, kanya na. pero wala, ayaw tanggapin, binalik parin. :(

okay lang naman eh, kasi gusto nya eh. wala naman un sakin. ganun nman ako sa mga friends ko.

gusto ko maging okay na. kaya tinatrato ko xa same as my other friends. pero parang may gap pa din eh. hay.

thought that was it for the day. may isa pa pala.

while waiting for the others and for the key of the room, we had our attendance, since im the vice mayor of the class, nasakin ang attendance, wala pa din nman ang mayor namin eh. :)

so lahat na ng nandun nakapag sign na. at inannounce na ng prof nmin na sa isang column, dun ilalagay ang numbers namin. so since, wala ako phone last few weeks and i dont have the numbers of my classmates, it my chance to have them and save it on my current phone. of course i have a hidden motive, get mushroom's number. :)

so everyone have written their numbers and of course i ask my classmates if i can get their numbers for school purposes. :) nahihiya ako tanungin si mushroom, kaya pinapatanong ko kay christian or kay mapeh, pero ayaw nila, ako daw dapat magtanong.

so no choice, pero i like it. :) ako na nagtanong. tinanong ko xa, ayaw naman sumagot, pero sabi kunin ko na lang daw sa attendance. nung tinanong ko xa, medjo nag aasaran na. pero ndi pa grabe. prang level 1 pa lang. nung nag sesave na ako ng ibang numbers, ndi ko pa nakokopya ung kanya, may nagsabi na gusto daw pesonal ko kukunin, kaya sabi ko wait lang, kasi im currently saving one nuumber. and after that, lumapit na ako kay mushroom para kunin number nya. nung nasa harap na nya ako, level 5 na ang pang aasar ng mga mates namin. and xa, sobrang pula na din. natawa din. hehe. -anu kaya ibig sabihin nun? (confused me.) hehe. xempre ako pinipigl ung kilig, para hmm, ewan. antagal naman sumagot or kunin ung phone ko, then after ko iaabot sa kanya ung phone ko ng 2 times, sabi nya kunin ko na lang sa paper. un. pero mapula pa din xa. at ang paligid nmin? kinikilig? o nang aasar lang? hehe. then, i got his two numbers. hehe

pero kahit nman nakuha ko number nya kung ndi pa din nman xa magrereply, it's usless right? hay. sana mag reply xa. kahit minsang text lang. okay na un.

sana maging okay na kaming dalawa. atleast friends okay na un.

pero ang nakakapag taka, anu kaya ung alam ni eric na ndi nmin alam? about kaya kanino? kay mushroom? hmm. soon i'll know that.

:)

--sakuralove ♥♥